05:38 - 21 September 2004
my very first amtrak ride
Good Morning, World Leaders! the following story is true, no names were mentioned due to copyright restrictions....
AS some of you know, i am a "professional Amtrak rider!" in udder words, i ride amtrak alot. my very first time on an amtrak train commenced on may 3, 1975; the United States Navy, in all its infallable wisdom, decided to put ME in CHARGE of a group of raw recruits....boy, did they fuck up!
the trip started out well, everyone showed up at the train station, i had all of our records in a sealed pouch,
(MISTER CALDWELL, YOU are RESPONSIBLE, DO NOT OPEN THIS POUCH, if YOU DO, YOU will face TEN YEARS in a FEDERAL PENITENTARY, and will BE FINED up to $10,000 DOLLARS!) whew! that put the fear of god in me! so we all borded the train to chicago, and we settled in; i found out its gonna take about 24 hours to get there, so we went exploring.
After a time on the train, we told one of the stewards in conversation that we are going into the NAVY! well, next thing i knew we were given ALL THE BEER WE COULD DRINK, and THEN SOME!!! well, its party time! the drinks were flowing like the mighty mississippi, and best of all, they were free! i guess they felt sorry for us, going into the navy and all; we soon discovered how fast you can get drunk on a moving train! WOOSH! BOY! we drank for a while, got hammered, then stopped, ralphed, ate, and drank some more! we partied and had absolute fun, and listening to some of the passengers on that train, were convinced that we were off to impending doom! we laughed at that prospect, the country was not at war, what could be the "impending doom"? you will find out, we were told!
So, we got to Chicago, it was night, we were totally hammered, laughing, and having fun! SOMEHOW, we found the commuter train to great lakes naval training center, which is just north of chicago; we arrived at night, and we were unaware of the culture shock that was awaiting us...
WHEN the train arrived, we rolled off the train, and were greeted by a short sailor who had the loudest mouth i ever heard! within 5 minutes of arriving, still blotto from the train trip, this sailor demanded to know who was in charge of us, and were were our records?
he came to me, and went right up in my face and yelled the question, WERE WERE THE RECORDS? records? OMG! i left them on the Amtrak train! i was starting to get real nervous, because i remembered someting about going to jail, and all that. well, this guy was starting to make me sick, being up in my face and all, he had moldy breath. i told him i was gonna be sick, and he ignored it. bad move on his part(and mine) i then commenced to puking up all over his clean white uniform, and passed out.
i awoke up in the hospital, and was given a chance to start all over again. guess who was going to be my company commander? the sailor whom i puked up on at the train station! needless to say, for the next 13 weeks, i went thru holy high hell in a handbasket! and as for the lost records, nothing ever came of it. so there is the story of my very first amtrak ride, from what i could remember of it.
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