07:44 - 28 September 2004
events of de day
birthday countdown~ T minus 96 hours!!!!
Today is JACK LA LANNE'S birthday! He's 90! GAWD! i remember him when i was the same size of charlie the cat, my very first cat!
I actually slept ALL NIGHT and OVER 8 HOURS!!! yay! lack of seratonin
I felt like something the stray cat outside dragged thru the fence and didnt even bother to bury yesterday!! I was so depressed yesterday it was chest painful!chaosdaily had sent me a political joke in the mail and i was wrongfully livid because i was kicked in the ass depressed; i took at wrongfully as a personal affront to my political affilation, i am a liberal democrat, i believe chaosdaily is republican. Bi-Polar was kicked in hi-gear yesterday, and i was not able to see it as it was; a joke, and thats all it was. I'm Sorry chaosdaily. this is a fine example as to how i percieve things differently because of my mental illness.
im doing a lil better today though. when i get like this, i have a very hard lump in my chest, and i feel weak all over, and i slept most of the day yesterday; also i was very angry yesterday because of this, one thing i did was CLEAN, CLEAN, SCRUB and CLEAN my room. this helped a lil bit. i also forced myself to sit outside a while, too.im still depressed today, but its not as bad as yesterday...the way this works for me is it comes in cycles, it could last a day, a week, a month, i'm just on a downswing now, and i will deal with it! im not whining, im educating those of you who do not know what Bi-Polar does. I do not take Meds for this because I believe that the meds just MASK the symptoms, there is no cure for this.
I spend the majority of the day in my room, on the puter, watchin TV, sleeping, I go out to eat either at the mission or the soup kitchen; mainly because im broke all the time! hehehe.occasionaly i goto the library; then there are the bi-weekly trips to the VA to the therapist to vent. so thats what i do, and im good with it.
So, for now, i'm gonna read my newspapers, S.F. Chronicle, L.A. Times, Washington Post, and go over to pogo and play bingo! hava happy happy joy joy day! weebles wobble, but they dont fall down! HA!
