06:42 - 05 January 2005
rant and rave, vent , deep breath now!
o boy running awful late today......
running late for what? i dont need to be anywheres!! so what am i late for? i dunno? late for supper???? are we on the air? oh? ahem!!
hi everybuddy!! hows the life? hehehee.. i just woke up!!its a quarter to 7....
i decided to not write in bold today.
i started a diaryring, called, rantandrave, if ya wanna join, put this lil snippet in the change the template editor: 2 of these%%, then type using no spaces:diaryring_rantandrave, then type 2 more of these %%, all together, no spaces! thats all there is to it! come on and join!!
i have a major friggen malfunction and i need to type this out, it may be long and it may sound like im rambling, so be forewarned....
i have a gambling problem, along with bi-polar; and i'm slightly pissed at doyle the manager, but he didn't know..
we was yakkin a coupla weeks ago about this one guy who usta stay here at hotel cheep rent. he had a gambling problem, and when he'd get his check, he'd run off to wendover, blow his check, and be out on his ass. there would be no question about it, and no fuss, he'd simply come back, tell doyle he aint got the rent, get his stuff and move out. when he'd have the rent, he'd move back in, doyle sez he was nice like that.
well, i haven't even thought of gambling for a long while, here in the land of salt and pepper, they dont even sell lottery tickets here! thank gawd fer that, i just cant buy 1, i have to buy 100!!
heres my stinking thinking... my rent and my phone and tv is paid, very good, everything is at zero, laundry is done, food aplenty, i got almost 700 bucks left til the 20th, then i get more money... what would it hurt to goto wendover for a coulpa hours and take just $100 and play some texas hold em?
i was gonna goto the moviehouse last night, i ended up wandering about downtown, got some ice cream, and called greyhound to see how much a round trip to wendover would be; 67 bucks it be...
then my head started buzzing... i was thinking about an amtrak train trip then! sheesh! i JUST bought a new computer!! ya i got junk piled up before and left it all and just beat feet down the street on a nutter insane quest; then i started to mind wander about, thinking on just travelling here and there... aw figglesticks!! i'd end up broke somewheres.....i'm starting to feel trapped!!! i need glasses, i been goin without em, but i really do need em!
i went to sleep last night at 11pm and woke up at 1 am and my mind was racing like mario andretti at the track! i simply could not get back to sleep!! i tossed about for an hour, smoked a coupla cigs, sat here and started at the computer, and finally, forced myself back to sleep...
my insides are like a stretched rubber band, and all twisted!! i gotta good thing here, and cheesus h. crispy, i dont wanna fuck it up!!
moneys burning a giant hole in my pocket.
i miss reno. i miss sitting at the hilton, at the sports book, reading the paper and drinking coffee. i miss going to the poker tables, being greeted by name at the pit, getting a fat sandwich and chips and soda and smokes and gimme a rack ($100) and lets play poker!!!!
gawddamm it hurts!! i cant just go and play poker with a lil bit of money, i end up spending it all til im flat broke!!
i know what part of my major malfunction is; i spend too much time in this room, in this building!! i'm friggen bored outta my skull and my mind is racing like the ponies at santa anita!!
i been thinking back to a time when i was good at gambling, and thats all i did to make money!!! i always had a wad of hundreds in my pocket!! but in those daze, i also was a full blown alcoholic in the land of free drinks to patrons and was very much so irresponsible!!!
well, its almost 7:30, i need to slow down, and think, think, think!!!
i have to stay focused, i have to remind myself of the consequences of my actions; its snowing like a bat outta hell outside!!! the news sez people are smashing into each other like bumper cars at the carnival!!
im gonna get some glasses today.
im gonna get a 256 mb memory chip for the puter so then i will have 512 mb!
i got the today show on and al roker is showing pics of all the nasty assed weather about the country!!
im keeping my fat ass right here!
i feel like screaming and stomping my feet!!!
dont worry, i aint gonna fuck things up, i just needed to vent a lil; tomorrow im goin to the VA to the therapist
and whine to her!
i just have to make it thru the day, very slowly, and stay focused on what i have to do!
now i still have 3 gmail invites to giveaway, if ya want one email me its free, better than hotmail even!
heres todays get fuzzy!
