Monday!

Today is Presidents' Day, which means you're most likely reading this
from the comfort of your own home after waking up at three in the afternoon.
Unless, of course, your boss hates America, in which case, you're even
more annoyed than usual to be in the office.

The holiday, a commemoration of George Washington's birthday,
was first celebrated in 1796, the last full year of his presidency. According
to the calendar being used at the time, Prez Numero Uno (as he was popularly
known) was born on February 22. However, according to an earlier calendar
that dates back to Washington's birthyear of 1732, the big man was born
on February 11. Even when the holiday was officially declared, Americans
remained split on which day they chose to celebrate as Washington's birthday.
The good news for Washington? Twice as many presents. The bad news? All
the presents were wooden teeth or wooden-teeth-related gag gifts. ("Ho,
ho! Do I espy a humorous pamphlet recounting two score and five ways wooden
teeth be better than a woman? 'Tis a droll gift, indeed!

Martha, do put this with the others for kindling.")

Following the assassination of Abraham Lincoln in 1865, February
12 (the day our 16th President was unequivocally born) became an unofficial
holiday as well, and Americans enjoyed the dual celebrations until 1971,
when noted buzzkill Richard Nixon proclaimed the third Monday in February
to be a federal holiday dedicated to the remembrance of all past U.S.
presidents. Nixon might have thought twice had he known precisely what
it was he would be remembered for.

While commonly known as Presidents' Day, the holiday is still officially
called Washington's Birthday. To this day, it remains a fitting occasion
to honor the memory of our country's exalted leaders by dressing up
as Uncle Sam, strapping on stilts and parading around for purposes
of advertising a used car sale.

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