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06:19 - 06 March 2005 i thought both of these was pretty good today. now, dont get me wrong, i usually dont mind somebody needing me to talk to, i DO like to help people when they are worrying, but jason is becoming a broken record, its gotten so that every time i see him, he goes on and on, and it just bugs the shit outta me. i try to give him advice, but he dont listen. he sez the same things over and over again. i just wanna come down here, do my 8 hours, and go back to sleep. when i come to work i want it nice and quiet, thats all, now we woke up doyle the manager, and i bet hes pissed; i know i would be. i guess im gettin a lil fed up. last few days, i go shopping, and people get in my way, inadvertingly, i cuss at them under my breath. i see some one that looks nasty, i cuss at them under my breath. i get so aggravated after a while, i just wanna get outta the store; people are pissing me off, and its not them. its me. now, all i wanna do is curl up in my bed and stay there. leave me the frig alone! thats NOT ME. i wonder if im gettin antsy; i dunno, the other night, when i bought the air conditioner, i put it together, and put it in the window, and i layed down in the bed, looked at it, and said to the wall, "well, i guess i'm STAYING PUT NOW!" i am staying put. i have to. i got too much money wrapped up in here. cheesus, that never usta bother me before. ya know what keeps me here; the thought of travelling, then gettin broke, then in the shelter. now I'M starting to sound like a broken record. y'all heard this before. its a struggle, and i know i have to go one step at a time. i AM not moving AT ALL. period!! im done with that. as long as i can say that, then think of how i can go to sleep anytime i want to, that keeps me here. other people dont have to do this. just me. cause of this dumbass mental illness i have. i need to lose weight. big time. all my weight is in my gut. well, come monday, what im gonna do is look at joining a gym or workout place, or whatever ya call it. i need to get on one of those walking machines and start losing the weight. theres one downtown, and i pass by there on occasion, and i actually see some people RUNNING on one of those. well, enuff of this jib jab... i AM doin all right. im real lucky for what i have, and i really shouldn't be whining. im living life on life's terms, and i HAVE made some changes, all for the good. right now, i just need to find things to occupy my time!! hava happy sunday, folks! |