05:10 - Monday, Jul. 11, 2005
monday, funday!!!!
monday! funday!
the WINNER of yesterdays contest is: POOLAGIRL!!
the pie-rat correctly identified all 9 current supreme court justices! and sadly, she was the only one to email me with an answer! as a result, poola will recieve in the mail a prize that i hope she will really like! when she gets it, i hope she will share what it is with y'all!
next sunday, i will have anutter contest, where the winner will recieve a prize package worth a few bux! so when sunday comes, participate! its educational! and what the hell, you might win!
the supreme court justices: ginsburg, souter, scalia,stevens,o'connor,kennedy,thomas,breyer and chief justice rehnquist!
its important for ALL AMERICANS to know who is in the supreme court! the justices interpret and enforce the CONSTITUTION, and the laws that effect ALL AMERICANS, including your RIGHTS the constitution gives us!
AD: TECH 05, a conference for digital mass marketers, begins today in Chicago. I can only guess that this is where all the people who email me ads for boner enhancers get together to measure the success of their sales techniques. I predict mass disappointment. The thing is: All of those emails flying into my bulk folder -- they lack the personal touch. If you people are really serious about me growing my woohoo, you're gonna have get up in my face about it. Didn't you see that movie where William H. Macy went door to door acting retarded? Get a few short bus grads like that on the street, and you'll be moving more sugar pill sex boosters that you can count. I call it "specializing" your sales force, and it's a technique that could turn every neighborhood in America into an erogenous zone!
Speaking of measurements, Bush and company are supposed to be turning in some of their own today. Specifically, a "comprehensive set of performance indicators and measures of stability and security" with regards to Iraq. This is according to a provision in the defense spending bill that went through Congress in May. As I interpret it, I think the provision means they're supposed to explicitly state the conditions under which we'll get the fuck out of there, and how they plan to measure those conditions -- something a wee bit more detailed than "the United States will stay as long as necessary."
Good luck getting that info, Capitol Hill! Under this administration, it's about as likely as getting "In God We Trust" removed from our currency -- a phrase that was placed there on this day in 1955, one year after "Under God" was inserted into the Pledge of Allegiance like a slick penis enhanced with anti-Commie righteousness. Good thing, too. Were it not for the religious references on our money, people would've continued to use it to indulge sloth, envy, lust and gluttony. Thankfully, money is now used exclusively as a means to buy cute puppies for minority orphans with HIV. Living in the future is awesome!
Also on this day in 1804, Vice President Aaron Burr killed Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton in a duel, setting the stage for one of the best "Got Milk?" commercials I've ever seen.
Meanwhile, in Vegas, another subculture that favors table games over mobility will be enjoying its day in the sun. Today is the final day of the World Series of Poker, in which one Unibomber-looking weirdo will win upwards of $5 million and the respect of other Unibomber-looking weirdos around the globe. Five million damn dollars. Shit, at 200 dollars a pop, that's 25,000 new puppies! This is gonna be one sweet weekend for the orphans!
weird dream dept.
Last night, it happened again! Another weird dream! This on involved the Seinfield charactors, i was with them, and we all moved in together in a rather large barracks type building, and i got elaine in a room alone and stole a kiss!! people were stealing food, and i didnt mark my food with my name on it, and so the discussion ensued in a seinfield sort of way as to whos stuff was whos, and why its important to mark your food in the fridge with your name on it, and i was jealous of Mr. Peterman, Elaines boss, cause i knew that they was having an affair, then we all got our stuff sorted out, after much chaos, and went out of the building to start training the summer camp kids. then i woke up!
Tomorrow is room inspection day, as per the lease agreement! this will entail management coming into the room to look at the condition of the room, cleaniness, and upkeep! This aughta be fun!
well, im gonna start the day, which involves cleaning and vaccuming, and laundry! wheeeeeeeeee!!!!
Have fun in de sun, every buddy!!!
FACT OF THE DAY
Robert The Bruce, The Warrior King of Scotland was born on this day in 1274. Famous for becoming King of Scotland in 1306 and for fighting the Wars of Scottish Independence including his famous victory over the English at Bannockburn. His diplomacy also led to the signing of the declaration of Arbroath in 1320. I wonder if he is a decendant of Lenny The Bruce?!? heheheeee!!
CAT OF THE DAY
