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05:40 - Monday, Jul. 18, 2005
useless stuff
Today is the best Monday ever not simply because Hurricane Emily is set to destroy every Senor Frog's in Cancun; it's also Vin Diesel's 38th birthday! To think, it was just 38 years ago that our little Vin was born into the closet, destined to B-movie superstardom. Not a fan of The Pacifier? Then surely you can appreciate today's other major birthday boy, Nelson Mandela, who turns 87. A great man, indeed, but can you really compare the impact of South African civil rights work to the life-changing experience of The Fast and the Furious?

(Random fun factoid for your inevitable Jeopardy! debut: Vin was in Awakenings, and he didn't even play one of the catatonic knitters. He was an unnamed orderly, which we suspect was a non-speaking role.)

Across the pond, today marks the first day of the UK's national Gut Week, which sounds cooler than it is. Gut Week aims to raise awareness for digestive health after centuries of eating gravy-soaked sausage and beans. Better late than never? Or like ordering a Diet Coke with your Carl's Jr. Six Dollar Burger?

While the Brits try to make up for their culinary sins, Monday is our National Caviar Day. If you're too poor to bathe in beluga, it's also National Ice Cream Day. Celebrate by paying too much at Ben & Jerry's or, if you're a wuss, Tasti-D-Lite.

Finally, as you end your day by enjoying your nationally sanctioned icy treat, remember that on this day in 1936, the Spanish Civil War broke out, paving the way for a future full of cheap x-fuelled Ibizian nights. Exactly 70 years later, Time reporter Matt Cooper will appear on the The Abrams Report to talk about the leak of CIA op Valerie Plame's identity. Coincidence? I think not.


and now, heres some news you can use all day long! wheeeeeeee!!

Nation's Shirtless, Shoeless March on Washington for equal service rights

WASHINGTON, DC� Protesting years of discriminatory treatment at the hands of America's restaurants and stores, an estimated 800,000 shirtless and shoeless citizens marched on the nation's capital Sunday to demand equal-service rights.

Chanting the slogan, "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Justice," members of the nation's shirtless and shoeless communities joined together in a rare act of solidarity. Dubbed "The Million Incompletely Dressed Man March," the demonstration began on I-66 in Arlington, VA � with the barefoot participants walking on the white center line to protect the soles of their feet from burning � and concluded with a rally on the National Mall in Washington.

"For decades, law-abiding Americans have been denied service in restaurants and stores, simply because of the exposedness of their skin," said Bud Hutchins, president of the National Association For The Advancement Of Shirtless People. The NAASP. "This is a direct attack on our civil rights, especially in the summer months when you really need to stay cool."

Waving a copy of the U.S. Constitution, Hutchins added, "Nowhere in this revered document does it say, 'But only if the guy has a shirt on.' Our Founding Fathers would be appalled to see basic service rights denied to the differently clothed."

Wiping a tear from his eye, Hutchins recalled being denied entry to a Marble Falls, TX, 7-Eleven at the age of eight. He said the store manager told him directly that he wasn't welcome in the store because of his bare torso.

"I could not understand how a nation as great as America could say to me, 'You're not as good as your shirt-wearing neighbor,'" Hutchins said. "So I just sat outside the store, watching all the shirted people freely come and go with their Big Gulps and their candy bars. When something like that happens to you at such a young age, you don't soon forget it."

Standing before the shirtless, shoeless throngs, Barefoot America! director Diane Wallace said: "As if centuries of suffering from gravel roads and hot blacktop were not enough, the powers-that-be continue to deny us restaurant seating, theater admission, and countless other niceties enjoyed by the shoed. We say, no more."

The coalition is calling for the passage of a constitutional amendment or other legislation guaranteeing "equal access to businesses and services for all citizens, regardless of one's degree of bodily coverage." If no such legislation is passed, NAASP members have threatened to retaliate with Denny's-booth sit-ins, Burger King boycotts, and a program of exercise designed to make their torsos glisten with malodorous sweat.

Despite such threats, lawmakers remain unbowed.

"Why can't these folks just put on some shirts and shoes if they want a Whopper?" U.S. Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID) asked. "If we cave in to these demands, next year, it'll be trouserless Americans demanding equal access to Tavern On The Green. After that, the underpantsless will be calling for priority seating on airplanes. Then, people who are completely naked will want preferential treatment in college admissions. These people can put on a full wardrobe and get treated like everybody else."

Hutchins dismissed Craig's response.

"I'm hardly surprised [Sen. Craig] ascribes to the repugnant and prejudicial notion that we have 'chosen' to be this way," Hutchins said. "Well, I've got news for you, senator: This is the way I am. I was born not wearing a shirt."

they always won on sports day Image hosted by Photobucket.com

CAT OF THE DAY

USELESS FACT OF THE DAY

Giraffes have the same number of vertebrae in their
neck as you do.



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