04:40 - Wednesday, Sept. 14, 2005
an american explanation!!! and, udder stuff!!!
for you guys not living in north america!!! enjoy!

Baseball. Americas pastime! Invented around the 1850's by Abner Doubleday!
This game where the defence is the offence and then, after the offence is done, becomes the defence. no time limit, can virtually go on for days to determine a winner! there are innings, and sometimes EXTRA innings, just in case. the ball can reach speeds up to 100 m.p.h.! There are Outs, and Strikes, and Balls. but only 1 ball is used. stealing is allowed. but if ya get caught, you are out. if you get away with stealing, you are safe. the object is to go home, but ya have to stay in the park to play. the ball can either be fair or foul. there are 27 outs, up to 81 strikes, and over 108 balls. but you can only use 1 ball. In the 20th century, 13 American League hitters have won baseball's Triple Crown. Eleven horses have won the Triple Crown. It's only natural that Texas mascot Rangers Captain recently try to merge the two.

Baseball explained by the experts:
Bud Abbott and Lou Costello
Lou: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' name on the team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ball park I'll be able to know those fellows?
Bud: All right. but you know, strange as it may seems, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names, nick names, like "Dizzy Dean." Now on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --
Lou: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.
Bud: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --
Lou: You know the fellows' names?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Well, then who's playin' first.
Bud: Yes.
Lou: I mean the fellow's name on first base.
Bud: Who.
Lou: The fellow playin' first base for St. Louis.
Bud: Who.
Lou: The guy on first base.
Bud: Who is on first.
Lou: Well, what are you askin' me for?
Bud: I'm not asking you -- I'm telling you. WHO IS ON FIRST.
Lou: I'm asking you -- who's on first?
Bud: That's the man's name!
Lou: That's who's name?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Well, go ahead and tell me.
Bud: Who.
Lou: The guy on first.
Bud: Who.
Lou: The first baseman.
Bud: Who is on first.
Lou: Have you got a first baseman on first?
Bud: Certainly.
Lou: Then who's playing first?
Bud: Absolutely.
Lou: (pause) When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Bud: Every dollar of it. And why not, the man's entitled to it.
Lou: Who is?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: So who gets it?
Bud: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Lou: Who's wife?
Bud: Yes. After all the man earns it.
Lou: Who does?
Bud: Absolutely.
Lou: Well all I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on first base.
Bud: Oh, no, no, What is on second base.
Lou: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Bud: Who's on first.
Lou: That's what I'm trying to find out.
Bud: Well, don't change the players around.
Lou: I'm not changing nobody.
Bud: Now, take it easy.
Lou: What's the guy's name on first base?
Bud: What's the guy's name on second base.
Lou: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
Bud: Who's on first.
Lou: I don't know.
Bud: He's on third. We're not talking about him.
Lou: How could I get on third base?
Bud: You mentioned his name.
Lou: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Bud: No, Who's playing first.
Lou: Stay offa first, will ya?
Bud: Well what do you want me to do?
Lou: Now what's the guy's name on first base?
Bud: What's on second.
Lou: I'm not asking ya who's on second.
Bud: Who's on first.
Lou: I don't know.
Bud: He's on third.
Lou: There I go back on third again.
Bud: Well, I can't change their names.
Lou: Say, will you please stay on third base.
Bud: Please. Now what is it you want to know.
Lou: What is the fellow's name on third base.
Bud: What is the fellow's name on second base.
Lou: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
Bud: Who's on first.
Lou: I don't know.
Bud: THIRD BASE!
Lou: You got an outfield?
Bud: Oh, sure.
Lou: St. Louis has got a good outfield?
Bud: Oh, absolutely.
Lou: The left fielder's name?
Bud: Why.
Lou: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask.
Bud: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Lou: Them tell me who's playing left field.
Bud: Who's playing first.
Lou: Stay out of the infield!
Bud: Don't mention any names out here.
Lou: I want to know what's the fellow's name on left field?
Bud: What is on second.
Lou: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
Bud: Who is on first.
Lou: I don't know.
Bud & Lou: (together and calmly) Third base.
Lou: And the left fielder's name?
Bud: Why.
Lou: Because.
Bud: Oh he's Center Field.
Lou: (whimpers) Center field.
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on this team.
Bud: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.
Lou: I don't know. Tell me the pitcher's name.
Bud: Tomorrow.
Lou: You don't want to tell me today?
Bud: I'm tell you, man.
Lou: Then go ahead.
Bud: Tomorrow.
Lou: What time?
Bud: What time what?
Lou: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
Bud: Now listen, Who is not pitching. Who is on --
Lou: I'LL BREAK YOU ARM IF YOU SAY "WHO'S ON FIRST!"
Bud: Then why come up here and ask?
Lou: I want to know what's the pitcher's name.
Bud: What's on second.
Lou: I don't know.
Bud & Lou: (VERY QUICKLY) THIRD BASE!!
Lou: You gotta Catcher?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: The Catcher's name?
Bud: Today.
Lou: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
Bud: Now you've got it.
Lou: That's all. St. Louis has a couple of days on their team.
Bud: Well I can't help that.
Lou: You know I'm a good catcher too.
Bud: I know that.
Lou: I would like to play for the St. Louis team.
Bud: Well I might arrange that.
Lou: I would like to catch. Now I'm being a good Catcher, tomorrow's pitching on the team, and I'm catching.
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball.
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Now when he bunts the ball -- me being a good catcher -- I want to throw the guy out a first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Bud: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Lou: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!!
Bud: Well, that's all you have to do.
Lou: Is to throw it to first base.
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Now who's got it?
Bud: Naturally.
Lou: Who has it?
Bud: Naturally.
Lou: Naturally.
Bud: Naturally.
Lou: O.K.
Bud: Now you've got it.
Lou: I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Bud: No you don't you throw the ball to first base.
Lou: Then who gets it?
Bud: Naturally.
Lou: O.K.
Bud: All right.
Lou: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Bud: You don't you throw it to Who.
Lou: Naturally.
Bud: Well, naturally. Say it that way.
Lou: That's what I said.
Bud: You did not.
Lou: I said I'd throw the ball to Naturally.
Bud: You don't. You throw it to Who.
Lou: Naturally.
Bud: Yes.
Lou: So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it.
Bud: No. You throw the ball to first base--
Lou: Then who gets it?
Bud: Naturally.
Lou: That's what I'm saying.
Bud: You're not saying that.
Lou: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Bud: You throw it to Who!
Lou: Naturally.
Bud: Naturally. Well say it that way.
Lou: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
Bud: Now don't get excited.
Lou: Who's gettin excited!! I throw the ball to first base--
Bud: Then Who gets it.
Lou: (annoyed) HE BETTER GET IT!
Bud: That's it. All right now Take it easy.
Lou: Hrmmph.
Bud: Hrmmph.
Lou: Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second.
Bud: Uh-huh.
Lou: Who picks up the ball and throws it to what. What throws it to I don't know. I don't know throws it back to tomorrow -- a triple play.
Bud: Yeah. It could be.
Lou: Another guy gets up and it's a long fly ball to center. Why? I don't know, he's on third, and I don't give a darn.
Bud: What did you say.
Lou: I said "I don't give a darn."
Bud: Oh, that's our shortstop!
Lou: ABBOTT!
Confused? So am I!!!

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Astrology This Week�s Horoscopes
Virgo August 23 - September 22
You're a proud individual, and there are just some things that you've never been able to bring yourself to say, but "Give me some more goddamned fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy right fucking now" isn't one of them.

Aries March 21 - April 19
You keep insisting that your love life is nobody's business, but the nice men and women in the lab coats are just trying to help you make more pandas.

Taurus April 20 - May 20
Everyone likes a comforting bowl of hot, tasty soup, but somehow you expected more from life.

Gemini May 21 - June 21
Your na�ve belief that girls don't go to the bathroom will be conclusively and graphically disproven this week, during the last blind date you'll ever have.

Cancer June 22 - July 22
Your undying patriotism and staunch "my country right or wrong" stance will continue to prevent you from reading a newspaper.

Leo July 23 - August 22
You'll soon play a small part in the history of the vast interstellar navy of Quondrax, a planet where they can only christen a new Star Dreadnought by smashing an asshole like you across its bow.

Libra September 23 - October 23
You weren't a member, and you never watched them perform, but still, you have no idea what you'll do with yourself now that the Romanian women's gymnastics team has disbanded.

Scorpio October 24 - November 21
No one's escaped from the place since the day it was built, but that shouldn't stop you from attempting to break out of the American Family Insurance offices on Frontage Road.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
You knew that hanging out with that fire-eating strongman and sword-swallower would get you in trouble, but you thought it would be related to fire-eating or sword-swallowing, not check-kiting.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
You never liked bears, never had any curiosity about bears, and hardly ever think about them, so it's no surprise that there aren't any around when you could really use one.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18
It's really too bad you don't follow professional sports, because you'll soon be hit by a bolt of lightning and gain the ability to have the latest scores scroll across the bottom of your eyes.

Pisces February 19 - March 20
All your plans that are not impossible are too intimidating for you to ever seriously contemplate carrying them out, but good luck anyway.

This is more fun then the law allows!!
I am done here, its time to eat!

CAT OF THE DAY!!

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