05:37 - 06 May, 2006
dream, its just a dream. breathe.

well recurring dream # 352228 happened last night, chaos reigned as again i was homeless in seattle, taking a bus from one end of the city to the other.
the busses were always crowded. while on the street, i was confronted by a group of stinking drunken indians, slobbering about, begging for coins like orphan children in a third world country, which is what they do. pushing a group of them aside, one of them ran up behind me and tryed to mark my coat with a piece of blue chalk, indicating that i refused to "help" them, and belted one of them. it was foggy, and on the bus going downtown, people were going to the stadium. while on the bus, it was so jam packed with people that i would always lose my balance and people would fall like dominoes.

at one point, i was in a building, trying to get out, but the staircase and doorway was too small for my large frame, and i had to search about, looking for a way out, and the people in the office kept asking why did i want to leave? all the while i was worried that i would again miss the mission, and have to spend the night outside, again. but, i wanted to goto the stadium with the rest of the people, mission be damned! always trying to act like regular people, theres always consequenses to that.

again i awoke with a start, and a yelp, briefly frightening the cat, who was sitting at the end of the bed.

i dont know why i keep getting these recurring dreams, maybe deep down inside, i am waiting for the explosion to come that will make my world come crashing down, and once again, i will be on the street with nothing, where sometimes i think i belong.

oftentimes i wonder, that these dreams seem so real, that i have a hard time when i awake, trying to distinguish reality from dreamland. everything seems surreal at times, and when i get like this, its hard to focus.

i have had 2 cups of john wayne style french roast 109 octane coffee, so i am ok now, ready to start the day.

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