05:18 - Monday, Oct. 30, 2006
cigarettes?
picture of the day
todays picture of the day gleefully submitted by my pal, chaosdaily
How do you quit doing something that you have been doing on a daily basis since 1968? im talking about smoking cigarettes. i know what my lungs look like, i know the dangers of quitting smoking. no one is pointing the perverbial gun to my head. i dont hack up gobs of goo every day, nor do i have a "smokers cough". i also dont have the WILL POWER to quit. its like any addiction, you have to want to quit. seems to me that i want to quit, but i dont want to quit? i made a 1/2 assed attempt back in january. i dunno. i may be too far gone at this point. i quit booze, i quit drugs, i quit gambling, i quit being an asshole, why cant i quit smoking?? i dont have a ready asnswer for this. but i do think about it.
i started smoking cause all the "kool kids" were doing it. then, when my drunken parents found out, they didnt beat me 1/2 to death, they encouraged me!!! on birthdays and christmas, i got gift wrapped cartons of smokes instead of toys, and socks!
its something to think on and work on, perhaps i havent had enough heart attacks yet. boooooo. that was a bad reference. i dunno.
i think of peter jennings, who croaked of the lung cancer and he had quit smoking 20 years!! people tell me of relatives and friend who have the lung cancer, and what happened. i can try patches, gums, sprays, lotions, potions. am i that thick headed? maybe i am! maybe i dont have enough incentive? i dunno. i read about my pal, poolagirl's roomie, and her mother and she has the terminal ill cancer from smoking, and i feel sad about that, but, im still gripped with the addiction.
when i try to quit, i become very nervous, and cranky, and short fused. i get monster headaches of migraine proportions, and cant sleep. so, whats the answer? i cant just "up and quit".
whats an idiot to do? meh.
well, as you know, monday is upon us again! lets see what the day brings!!
