07:14 - 11 September 2004
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howdy americans! well, i tryed and tryed to put my sept 11 teardrop on here, but it just wont stay put! i just dont understand it! o well....
the following story is sad and true, it happened, starting 20 years ago, and is a major impact in my life, i will write here what i call "the readers digest condensed version"
On september 30, 1984, my youngest son, steven was born, that brought the total of my offspring to 3 boys and 1 girl.
now, in 1984, i was a full blown practicing alcoholic, a lousy husband and father, and a terrible provider, i did not pay any bills, i gambled my money profusely, and drank the rest away. my "marraige" was a sham, and we broke up and got back together constantly.
FAST FORWARD to january 8th 1986, RENO nevada, i was playing high stakes poker,and had about 10 grand on the table, sucking down the harvey wallbangers and stingers(powerful drinks) left and right. when my world came crashing down. i was 27 years old, and my last thought of the day was it was elvis' birthday, and when im done, im gonna go back home and throw all this money at my "wife" and say, here!
next thing i know, im on a hospital gurney, with wires sticking out of me, halluciating that my "wife" was talking to me from some other room...the doctor comes in and sez to me, do ya wanna live? you are 27 and just had a heart attack! if ya keep drinking like you do, YOU WILL DIE!!!
detox was pure hell, and i made a pact with GOD there and now, that if HE pulls me thru this i will NEVER DRINK AGAIN!
she took me back, and next thing i know, its july 27th, 1986, im struggling, 7 months sober, goin to AA and my sponsor warns me that is giong to get WORSE before it gets BETTER! how right he was!
the morning of july 27th, 1986, i awoke with my "wife" screaming!!! she cant find steven!!!! there was a window open, i looked out it, and there he was, lying on the ground! clothes all around him....
we buried steven on august 1, 1986, he was 22 months old, the M.E. sez he was throwing clothes out the window, and watching them fall, he was top heavy and fell out the window.....
JULY, 1989, i was driving a tractor trailer in the mid west, my sham marraige was over for good, having got the heave ho in january 1987 for the last time, i pulled into the scales, and was greeted with a shocking suprise!
i was arrested for 1st degree murder for the death of my son. seems that my "wife", 2 and 1/2 years after the fact, decided thatshe was going to get rid of me forever by telling the cops i threw my son out the window!
NOVEMBER 22, 1991, after 2 1/2 years in captivity, gone thru 2 lawyers, discovered that my "wife" was married to someone else and NEVER got a divorce, the judge ruled that since we were not legally married, she can testify against me. having told several stories about what happened, trying to get my youngest surviving son, (who was just 3 at the time of stevens death) to say he seen me fling steven out the window; the JURY seen thru the LIES, and found me INNOCENT.. so, all thru this, suffered 2 nervous breakdowns, i stayed sober...keeping in mind that it gets worse before it gets better.
TODAY, i am 18 years sober, not in a relationship, suffering from a bi-polar disorder, learning how to live and be responsible, trying to stay in one place. i have a room, tv, computer, fone microwave, coffee, fridge, nice clean room, no bugs, quiet, and secure. living life on life's terms, and always remembering that it gets worse before it gets better. on September 30, 2004 steven would have been 20...
