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06:42 - 05 January 2005 hi everybuddy!! hows the life? hehehee.. i just woke up!!its a quarter to 7.... i decided to not write in bold today. i started a diaryring, called, rantandrave, if ya wanna join, put this lil snippet in the change the template editor: 2 of these%%, then type using no spaces:diaryring_rantandrave, then type 2 more of these %%, all together, no spaces! thats all there is to it! come on and join!!
i have a gambling problem, along with bi-polar; and i'm slightly pissed at doyle the manager, but he didn't know.. well, i haven't even thought of gambling for a long while, here in the land of salt and pepper, they dont even sell lottery tickets here! thank gawd fer that, i just cant buy 1, i have to buy 100!! heres my stinking thinking... my rent and my phone and tv is paid, very good, everything is at zero, laundry is done, food aplenty, i got almost 700 bucks left til the 20th, then i get more money... what would it hurt to goto wendover for a coulpa hours and take just $100 and play some texas hold em? i was gonna goto the moviehouse last night, i ended up wandering about downtown, got some ice cream, and called greyhound to see how much a round trip to wendover would be; 67 bucks it be... then my head started buzzing... i was thinking about an amtrak train trip then! sheesh! i JUST bought a new computer!! ya i got junk piled up before and left it all and just beat feet down the street on a nutter insane quest; then i started to mind wander about, thinking on just travelling here and there... aw figglesticks!! i'd end up broke somewheres.....i'm starting to feel trapped!!! i need glasses, i been goin without em, but i really do need em! i went to sleep last night at 11pm and woke up at 1 am and my mind was racing like mario andretti at the track! i simply could not get back to sleep!! i tossed about for an hour, smoked a coupla cigs, sat here and started at the computer, and finally, forced myself back to sleep... my insides are like a stretched rubber band, and all twisted!! i gotta good thing here, and cheesus h. crispy, i dont wanna fuck it up!! moneys burning a giant hole in my pocket. i miss reno. i miss sitting at the hilton, at the sports book, reading the paper and drinking coffee. i miss going to the poker tables, being greeted by name at the pit, getting a fat sandwich and chips and soda and smokes and gimme a rack ($100) and lets play poker!!!! gawddamm it hurts!! i cant just go and play poker with a lil bit of money, i end up spending it all til im flat broke!! i know what part of my major malfunction is; i spend too much time in this room, in this building!! i'm friggen bored outta my skull and my mind is racing like the ponies at santa anita!! i been thinking back to a time when i was good at gambling, and thats all i did to make money!!! i always had a wad of hundreds in my pocket!! but in those daze, i also was a full blown alcoholic in the land of free drinks to patrons and was very much so irresponsible!!! well, its almost 7:30, i need to slow down, and think, think, think!!! im gonna get some glasses today. im gonna get a 256 mb memory chip for the puter so then i will have 512 mb! i got the today show on and al roker is showing pics of all the nasty assed weather about the country!! im keeping my fat ass right here! i feel like screaming and stomping my feet!!! dont worry, i aint gonna fuck things up, i just needed to vent a lil; tomorrow im goin to the VA to the therapist i just have to make it thru the day, very slowly, and stay focused on what i have to do! now i still have 3 gmail invites to giveaway, if ya want one email me its free, better than hotmail even! heres todays get fuzzy!
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