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05:26 - 07 March 2005
monday drivel de snivel!!

TOP STORY
With Camryn Manheim's "Practice" spin-off getting canned before ever starting, Anna Nicole Smith's being Trim Spa'ed down to her gold-digging weight and Star Jones'waistline on the post-stapling wane, primetime television found itself suddenly cankle-free for the first time since 1956. But tonight, erstwhile sexy Vulcan Kirstie Alley steamrolls into the forefront of plus-size advocacy with the premiere of her new reality-ish sort-of sitcom, "Unscripted Jenny Craig Infomercial," on Showtime. Somewhere, Shelley Long is cutting herself.

In more tightly written television comedy, the governor of California will be in New York City today, to give the opening remarks at the 2005 Annual Lincoln Day Dinner. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger joins special guests Governor George Pataki, Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Honorary Chairman Rudy Giuliani. So, be on full alert, folks, because if the entire socially-moderate-to-liberal element of the Republican Party is being kept busy elsewhere, Karl Rove is surely putting some of his nefarious machinations into practice today. By the way, the actual Lincoln Day was three weeks ago. You see? The whole thing is misdirecting flummery!



FUN SLINKY LINKS! JUST MOUSEOVER THE WORDS AND CLICK!!
 

When
did fat people
turn into left-handed people? Morbidly obese people
used to stumble through life using tools meant for far smaller humans.
There weren't special big people products, unless you're willing to make
a case for drawstring pants. But now? Not so much. Companies cater to
the very big, like, oh, The Great John Toilet company, which makes a toilet
that's got more surface area, is easier to get up from and is bolted to
the floor with a second set of anchors. Must be good -- check out how
happy they are.

Some
lessons you learn
the hard way. Like those poor saps who ignore the
"Don't Feed The Bears" signs at the park and end up with a Grizzly
chewing through their windshield to get at a can of Pringles. The same
goes for redneck comedians. Do not taunt the redneck comedian, especially
if he's holding a guitar and charging into the audience.

Got
a solid five minutes
to waste today? Check out this film from some
people called "The Citizens Against Safety Googles" called Ebony.
It features a shirtless dude powerwalking, a lipsynching jelly donut,
lots of keyboardy French sounding music, a car chase, ridiculous lyrics,
a trip to visit Satan and well, it's just totally bizarre. Not necessarily
funny -- and you'll never get these five minutes back -- but what the
hell, it's free.




ACTIVITY OF THE DAY! HAY HAY!
well, i have to get off my fat ass and get a roll of quarters then do laundry!! also, im gonna try real hard not to eat too much and not take a nap. also, im gonna look into some "fitness centers" (i know them as "gymnasiums" but some 1 told me they are called "fitness centers") and see if i can join one and use it to lose weight and not kill myself in the process! also, since im a cheap jew, im gonna find the cheapest one! now you can say to me, "good luck to you, and the red sox!"


TRUE FACT OF THE DAY
Director Stanley Kubrick dies today in 1999. Famed for his meticulous directing style, controversial subject matter and often ground-breaking technical advances, Kubrick made some of the best films of the 50s and 60s such as Paths of Glory, Dr. Strangelove or the sci-fi epic 2001: A Space Odyssey.

THANKY YOUS for all the nice comments!! I got 50 GMAIL INVITES to give away! all ya gotta do is email me! i like getting email! makes me feel wanted! so click the EMAIL link on the LEFT SIDEBAR and say, "gimme a GMAIL INVITE!!" no purchase necessary, offer void where prohibited, offer open to all legal residents of planet earth, age 5 and over.

hava happy monday!!



CAT OF THE DAY

WOULD you like to see the DOG OF THE DAY!? i know not every1 is a cat lover, and there ARE dog people out there! (just like democrats and republicans) so if ya wanna see DOG OF THE DAY let me know!!




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