03:43 - 27 March 2005
fake news and udder sunday junk! happy easter, everybuddy!!!
i dont care how long it takes, i'm gonna figure out what that ' L' word is........
I love a good mystery. When a television program gives you something to piece together, you have a reason to tune in every week. It's like a game. Alias, or 24�that's my kind of show. But I have got to tell you, The L Word really has me stumped. I'm going to figure out what that darn word is, though. I don't care how long it takes me.
After seeing an episode, my first guess was that the "L" stood for "ladies." It made sense, because the show centers on a group of women and follows them as they navigate friendships, romantic entanglements, and life in California. While "ladies" is a strong guess, it's wrong. I know that, because a lot of the first season focused on the relationship between Tim and Jenny. (They had a rough patch in their relationship after Tim walked in on Jenny having a girl "go downtown" on her.) Given that much of the first season was about Tim�a man�it would be a cheat if the "L" word were "ladies."
"L" word... "L" word... Love? Lust? Liposuction? Lariat? Lonesome? This show is long on questions and short on answers, but I love a good puzzle, and I'm not giving up yet!
I have to admit that I've missed a few episodes. Maybe they gave some important clues about the "L" word in one of them. Or maybe, if I listened to the show's dialogue more closely, I'd figure it out. Sometimes I'm a bit too distracted by all the hot actresses making out with each other to catch every word. Well, I hope the second season comes out on DVD quickly, so I can give them all another look. I'll watch them as many times as it takes. I've got the patience to see this thing through.
The show's title sequence is no help, that's for sure. They tease you with something like 50 words that start with the letter "L." Man! You know you're sitting there looking at the word, but they won't give you any clues as to which one is the one. Some that I remember offhand are Liberal, Lickable, Learn, Laughter, Lesbian, Lunch, Literary, Labels, and Loft. But what's the common thread?
Oh, and it doesn't make it any easier that every episode title begins with an "L." Are the creators of this show trying to drive me insane?
Well, I'm a patient man. I'm still writing letters in search of someone who can explain What's Eating Gilbert Grape to me. The "L" word mystery is no different: I have the stamina to stay on the case.
In fact, a part of me doesn't want to figure it out. It's like when I figured out that Leland Palmer had killed Laura while inhabited by the dark spirit Bob. I was glad to know the answer to the mystery, but I was sorry Twin Peaks had come to an end. A good mystery show creates a cultural phenomenon. That's how it is, watching The L Word.
Hmm, do you think it could be Loquacious? Nah. The show's subject matter isn't exactly intellectual, so I don't think the mystery word would be something so brainy. Don't worry�I'll get it eventually.
EPA To Drop 'E,' 'P' From Name
Days after unveiling new power-plant pollution regulations that rely on an industry-favored market-trading approach to cutting mercury emissions, EPA Acting Administrator Stephen Johnson announced that the agency will remove the "E" and "P" from its name. "We're not really 'environmental' anymore, and we certainly aren't 'protecting' anything," Johnson said. "'The Agency' is a name that reflects our current agenda and encapsulates our new function as a government-funded body devoted to handling documents, scheduling meetings, and fielding phone calls." The change comes on the heels of the Department of Health and Human Services' January decision to shorten its name to the Department of Services.
HOW TO STEAL FROM A TEMP JOB. When you do temp work for sustenance and hate every minute of it, you clearly have to amuse yourself somehow. Because you're broke the most entertaining option: theft. We here at who did it and ran, ink! uses our imagination and shares some ideas!
Step #1: Start Small.
Those juicy pens you like so much � wouldn't you like a whole mug full of them at home? They'd make you feel all comfortable and safe like the bowls of lemons on the kitchen islands in Architectural Digest. This isn't about design or kitchen islands, though; we know you barely have a working toaster -- it's about testing how much from the Staples catalog can be delivered overnight to the temp job. Or your house.
Step #2: Go Shopping.Once you've figured out what the office will notice or not notice, start squirreling away. It may just be March, but you'll probably still be broke by Christmukkah. And don't you think your cousin needs an electric pencil sharpener more than a ghetto DVD?
Step #3: Mess With Their Heads.Avoid being caught by creating a diversion. Alternate coloring the label of your micromanaging germophobic boss's hand sanitizer one day with stealing the bottle the next. Repeat.
Step #4:Decorate.Remember: You're broke. Unless you're some sort of artist, you probably have old, cliched posters on your walls. (If you are an artist, we hope you're an oil painter so you can go to your temp job high. We hear the monotony is easier that way.) Every office has a piece of framed art they haven't gotten around to hanging yet, just sitting in a coat closet asking to be taken to a better place. If it's good, it's a coup; if it's bad, it's a free frame. If you are temping at a place that has anything to do with design, there are probably stock photo catalogs around; these come in easy to hang sizes like two feet by three feet and often feature Bjork. If you're feeling ballsy (or just really, really bored), you could just call Corbis and ask for a catalog to be messengered.
Step #5: Seek Sustenance.All this stealing might make you hungry. If you're office has a pantry � voila, you now have a complimentary minibar. If it doesn't, a higher-up probably has a small fridge somewhere up his or his assistant's desks. Learn their lunch schedules, and raid. Similarly, some places provide complimentary feminine product dispensers in bathrooms. If you're suffering the indignity of having to work a temp job, do you really need to pay for your own tampons, too? We think not. Stockpile. We've yet to see a free condom dispenser but we're still keeping our eyes peeled when we're smoking in the boys' room.
Step #6: Now Think Big!Remember those great stock photos you took home � er � moved to another floor? The edge tore off on the commute home, and it's starting to look shoddy. You could take home scissors but you've already stolen three pairs, and scissors won't necessarily make an even edge. You need a paper cutter. When you start thinking about it, it makes sense: It's quite useful, and the blade is easier to wield than a machete when you need to cut an avocado for guacamole. Likewise, most magazines or publishers have giveaway tables full of books -- everyone takes the travel books, but don't you really want the luggage they're reviewing more? Fill the piece with travel books and roll it off. Think big: Steal for sustenance, style and amusement.
An Important Note.We here at who did it and ran, ink! does not, in any way, condone stealing from a workplace. Even with our sick Excel skills, we have never been bored enough to try these schemes!
cat of the day!!!
H A P P Y E A S T E R !!!!
