04:55 - Friday, May. 13, 2005
bee careful when ya bum a smoke!!!
IM FEELING:

STILL!!!

dont enny 1 of you be freaking out either, this is just a phase in my rollercoaster cycle. i have despair hope that this will pass!! IT WILL!!

kudos to our crackpot crack graphic artist here at who did it and ran, ink! onewetleg! for designing todays pic on how to make coffee, seen above!

so gather 'round the fireplace, kiddies, its time for anutter tale of woe storytime! of back in the day, not too long ago, in the land of st. joe, where they make the kiddie aspirin; todays episode of woe is brought to you by uncle ben's converted rice, where they ponder that age old question, "converted rice?" " what is this rice converted from, and what was it before its conversion??" that our tramp hero, namely, me, was staying at the salvation army, and back then, i had a hard time saying "no" when some 1 asked me for a smoke! but after a while, i was starting to get fed up, cause every day, when i got back to the salvation army, people would say, hey art, gotta smoke? and i would end up passing out smokes like it was suppertime, and the line has formed, and here ya go! aggggg!!!

so i was downtown, and i noticed an antique store! now, i just love antiques!! especially friendly, just browse, but dont buy, large ones, like this was! after spending most of the day looking at all the neat stuff, i seen out front that there was a WW II display, of manniquens in WW II army outfits, a tent, and the answer to my problem of ciggy mooching!! there was a half carton (5 packs) of chesterfields!! now, these wasnt just any old packs of chesterfields, these were genuine made in 1942 never been opened packs of chesterfields!! these were the real deals, cause there was NO barcode and NO surgeon generals warning on the packages!! and they were FOR SALE!! 50 bucks!!! 45 year old never been opened packs of chesterfields!!! the gerbils in the wheel brain was spinning; hmmmm....

i bought with glee, the chesterfields!! i'm gonna fix these morons!!

later on that evening, the ciggy vultures swooped in;
"hay man, got a smoke?" yah, (mutherfuckers) i got a smoke! here!! i tossed all 5 packs to these idiots, and sez, pass em around!! they did with glee!!! "wow!! CHESTERFIELDS!! i aint seen chesterfields in YEARS! (hehehe) so, the smokes were distributed, and lets fire them babies up! the smoking lamp was lit! and ya know, what a "smooth" smoke it was, cause after just a few minutes, these moochers were puking their lousy guts out!! heheheee!!! problem solved!! as long as i was there in st. joe, NO ONE DARED to ask me for another cigarette!!! i fixed them but good!!!
when i was in st. joe, i ALWAYS had plenty of smokes, and i got em for free!! there was a resturant that had a ciggy machine in the lobby, and it was messed up, i was able to pull the knob without putting any money in the machine, and out would pop a pack of smokes! how i discovered this was simple; back then, i went around to places that had ciggy machines, and would convince the people there that i had "lost" my money in the machine! usually this effort rewarded me with 3 to 5 bucks, depending on the price of the smokes in the machine, and the trick was, was to be seen, pulling on the knob, in an attempt to get the smokes. but in this particular place, when i pulled on the knob, the smokes would pop out!!! score!! they never caught on, and i had an abundant supply of smokes!! before i left town, i got me a carton!!

a few weeks ago, i called TIME magazine to complain that i didnt get a couple of issues, (really, they never came!) so they sent me my missing issues, along with a nifty stainless steel coffee mug, of which i am using right now!! free!! got it in the mail yesterday!

i ordered some things from woot! the coffee pot pictured above, it grinds the beans for ya and then brews the coffee!!! how cool is that!! also, got me a BBQ utensil set, and an MP3 player! im expecting the coffeepot today, and maybe the BBQ utensil set!

also, the other day omaha ha ha steaks called and got me to buy some more stuff; namely a dozen yummy i aint had in a long while veal patties!!! and those yummy potato aw grautin balls!! and 3 pounds of italian chicken fingers!!! yum yum!! those will come next tuesday!!!

so, today is friday!

Bad news for all you paraskevidekatriaphobics. Not only does nobody have a damn clue what you're talking about when you tell them you have paraskevidekatriaphobia, but today is the exact thing you're terrified of: Friday the 13th -- the first one of 2005, to be precise. According to the Urban Legend Reference Pages at snopes.com, while the number 13 is generally considered to be a bad omen, there are number of other activities it would be ill-advised to engage in today. Among them: needleworking, harvesting, launching a ship, beginning a sea voyage and giving birth. So watch for that.

Also today, Arizona Senator John McCain delivers the commencement address at the University of Oklahoma, a small consolation for the school's disappointing performance in this year's NCAA tourney. Sen. McCain's name is already being bandied about as a popular Republican candidate for president in 2008, with one poll saying McCain could defeat New York Senator Hilary Clinton in a theoretical head-to-head contest. Yes, this is all speculative and more than three years away, but seriously, with all the activities you're not supposed to engage in today, what else is there to do but sit around and take polls?

The first Friday the 13th of the year is also traditionally International Skeptics Day. Or is it? Whatever, man, you probably dont believe me when I tell you it is Trust Your Intuition Day, either.

SO, thats all there is, there is no more!! hava slap happy day, and cuddle up with ya kitties!!!

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