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06:01 - Saturday, Oct. 08, 2005
oh boy! 10 days to go........
10 days til i leave here for journalcon!! woo!! i been waiting all this time, and the anxiety mounts!! dum dum dum de dum!!! socialising is not one of my strong points, no hiding behind a computer screen now!! live, and in person, even!! yikes!!! meeting people that i been yakking with behind the friendly confines of this computer screen!!! how will people react? how will i react? this whole concept is unique, people from all around everywhere getting together and meeting for the first time "in real life" as we in instant messenger put it!! will the personas be the same? will expectations be met? will disaster strike? this is different! i mean, when ya yapping with a pal in messenger, and ya wanna go and do something else, all ya have to do is say bye bye, and log off!! no logging off in real life!!

i know when i first discovered yahoo messenger, and started in the chat rooms, one of the things i did was look for people to strike up a relationship with. in some cases, all it took was a few weeks of yakking it up with someone, and i was off on the amtrak to meet these people. and ya know what happened? after the novelty wore off, i was gone, and that was that! one disapointment after another. expectations were not met, personalities changed, things were not as one might have expected.

well, after a while, i quit the chat rooms, and just started to talk to people in messenger. then i was introduced to diaryland here. chaosdaily told me about it, and explained the concept of this venue, and at 1st, i balked! i mean, who would want to read my junk? i was very paranoid about this here at first; i mean, one of the things i strive to attain in life is to be socially acceptable. but then again, im hiding behind a computer screen. its different for sure. no facial expressions to see here. i can sit here with tears flowing, and say everything is just hunky-dory and no one would know the difference!

but now, this is a leap of faith for me. to be going to san diego and meeting all the people in diaryland that has been reading my stuff here for the past year, and those pals that i have been yakking with on yahoo messenger, well its a bit overwhelming!!!

i dont want people to take pity or feel sorry for me, because i feel like im a social reject. frankly, i dont know what to expect. one of my pet peeves is having to be around people who is drinking alcohol. now, dont get me wrong, ok? i know not everyone is an alcoholic like me, and there are people on the planet that can actually drink alcohol, and not be slovenly about it. i just dont wanna come off as some sort of prude or paraiah, and have people think, "oh lookit him!!!" "who does he think he is??" "snotnosed motherfucker!!" believe me, i have heard this before!!

well, 10 days to go now, deep breath, relax! i know things will be ok. i hope so. i really do. i just hope im successful in this, and make a good impression, thats all!!

well, its 6 am!!! i got to get to stepping!! i have to work today, and i got an hour to get ready and catch the bus!!!

cya later!!



FACT OF THE DAY
Henry Duncan was born on this date in 1774 in a Manse in Lochrutton. He founded the first savings bank in his parish in Dumfriesshire. The bank was born out of his social conscience and made banking accessible to poorer members of society.

CAT OF THE DAY

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